Tag: communication

  • Letter #18–Eating Together

    Dear Small Church Pastor,

         Let’s talk about the idea of eating together for a bit.  There is a common bond that is created between people when they eat together.  They don’t just eat.  They share recipes.  They talk about family history.  They relate important events from their lives.  They communicate with each other, and communication is one of the keys to creating a cohesive, unified, strong relationship with others.

         While serving as the leader for student government summer camps, I discovered the power of having a meal together.  Our camps, which were designed to foster leadership skills in rising young student leaders, were divided into beginning sections for those who had just become elected to their student councils and those who had a year or more of leadership responsibilities in their respective schools.  I noticed that the advanced students who were grouped together for a special meal outside the normal eating schedule would demonstrate more of a unified spirit than those who did not attend those special meals.  In essence, they were building closer relationships to each other than the beginning groups.

         How does this knowledge play into your situation as a small church pastor?  To help foster that same type of cohesion in your congregation, one way of doing that is to eat together.  There are plenty of times in the Bible in which people ate together.  Sometimes the meals were designed as special festivals.  Sometimes they were everyday events.  But, regardless of the occasion, people shared histories, rationales for the meals existing, everyday life joys and sorrows, and the whole gamut of life’s happenings.

         They were communicating.  They were learning from each other.  They were helping each other deal with life.  They weren’t simply putting food into their mouths.  They were becoming a group, a family, a whole unit that was sharing, not just food to exist, but their common existence, dreams, fears and hopes for the future.

         Eating together can be one of the greatest blessings of being a small church pastor.  The meals don’t have to occur every time you turn around.  They can be scheduled or impromptu.  They can be formal or informal.  Small church congregations will enjoy them, because they don’t just enjoy eating.  They enjoy being together with people of “like precious faith.”

         Allow me to suggest that, in addition to getting the whole congregation together for a meal, you eat with the individual families outside the church setting.  Invite them to your home.  Find out what they enjoy and prepare that meal for them.  Accept their invitations to eat with them in their homes.  Share favorite recipes from your own home and family histories.  Get theirs.  Open yourself up to being alone with that one family or individual and get to know them/him/her while you’re eating.

         Eating together can become one of the great blessings that a small church pastor can have with the congregation and its families. 

    Sincerely,

    A Small Church Pastor

  • Letter #15–Honesty

    Dear Small Church Pastor,

         That old saying “Honesty is the best policy” holds true in most aspects of life, especially in the small church setting.  Be honest with your congregation.  If you are having a rough time dealing with something life is throwing your way, be honest about it, and avoid the mistake of pretending everything is going great when you’re around your congregation.

         Small congregations have an ear to their community, and they’ll know if something isn’t going well in that community.  They may not bring it up, but they’ll know.  You might be surprised at how understanding they will be when you admit you’re struggling about something.

         No pastor is impervious to trials and setbacks.  No pastor is walking on cloud nine every single day.  So don’t pretend you are all the time.  Your congregation knows everyone is open to satanic attack, and they know everyone will have hard times, too.  Remember that they ask for prayer about things they’re going through and seek guidance and help in the hard times.  When you let them know your own prayer requests, you form a stronger bond with them through your honesty.

         Something else about honesty, never—NEVER—sugar-coat the gospel.  It’s great to preach about the love, mercy and grace of God.  Everybody loves those sermons.  But if you do not include God’s justice and punishment on evil, you’re doing your folks a great disservice.  Be honest about God’s judgment on wickedness, just as you are honest about God’s unconditional forgiveness for all who repent and seek that forgiveness.  Those who are under your spiritual umbrella need to hear about heaven and hell, not just heaven.

         If you are a small church pastor and feel God is leading your ministry to change something about how they all “do church,” tell them.  Explain what God’s guidance on this matter is and what the benefits are.  Include them in the decision-making process about any changes that are led through the Holy Spirit.  Have open, sincere conversations with them about God’s leading in your life as their pastor. 

         One last item today on this vast topic—avoid anything that remotely looks like manipulation when it comes to leading your flock.  Honesty in communication with them will dispel any idea the devil tries to plant in their minds that you’re attempting to get them to do something you want to do and they haven’t bought into yet.  Honesty in communication will also help you build more trust between them and you as their pastor.  When they can believe what you say, they should follow your lead as their pastor.

         When a congregation believes the pastor is honest with them, they tend to be honest with the pastor.  That honesty on both parts will benefit all concerned in the long run.

    Sincerely,

    A Small Church Pastor

    (PS—More about honesty later.)