Dear Small Church Pastor,
It will happen eventually. Someone–a board, a committee, a congregational member, a district official, or even a whole organizational group–will eventually subject you to some form of being hurt. The hurt will come emotionally or possibly even mentally. I pray it isn’t a physical or, especially, a spiritual hurt. But it will come at some point in your ministry.
Something will be said in a meeting that reveals someone’s true contentious intentions of opposition to your ministry. Someone will openly oppose your guidance because they believe they possess more influence among the flock than you do, and they want their way in a matter to prevail. Someone will smile at you while talking negatively about you behnd your back. A life-long member will condemn your preaching or teaching or style of delivery. Someone may attack your spouse or children. But the hurt will make its way into your ministry somehow.
How do you handle the hurt? What can you do when someone truly offends you through their words or actions?
Remember that Jesus said to go to the individual, explain how you feel and see if you can resolve the situation. If you can’t, take one or two witnesses and try again. If you still are unsuccessful in dealing with the hurt, you are to go to the whole congregation with the situation and seek their guidance and decision.
I’ve been doing this thing called ministry a long time, and I do not recall any instance in which His advice was heeded and used to deal with a hurt in which the offense had to be taken to the whole congregation. When an offense is revealed, it has not had to go beyond the discussion involving witnesses, to my recollection.
When the hurt arrives, pray first and give the hurt to God. Then give the Holy Spirit time to deal with the situation before you react. If it doesn’t resolve, then go to the individual in question and follow Christ’s advice. Remember to use as much grace, love and mercy that you would want someone to extend to you if the situation were reversed.
Here’s something to consider—sometimes people offend us and they don’t even realize the offense has occurred. They’re just being “human” and have no clue they have offended anyone by their words or actions. It’s very possible that, if you will let them know about the offense, they will honestly apologize and seek your forgiveness. Give them that opportunity. Doing so can save a relationship that doesn’t need to be damaged by unresolved hurts.
You never want to allow an offense to develop bitterness in your soul. That can destroy a relationship and your ministry. You have to handle the hurt.
Sincerely,
A Small Church Pastor